We are a generation who live in filters. I’ve been pretty vulnerable with you guys this past month. I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with being vulnerable and transparent. I think only a strong person can share their weaknesses and only a courageous person has the ability to allow for the world to see that they are not perfect. Of course with every vulnerable action, there will be hesitation and resistance. But how can we share about the miracles in our lives without expressing the trials and tribulations that came with it? I feel like it makes the story that much more impactful and gives God more glory in return, you know? Anyways, back to filters. I wanted to take some time and share about my thoughts on filters. Not just the Instagram filters we put to emphasize our pictures, but the filters we place on our lives.
Photo by @giscellerosario
Millennials have mastered the art of filters. Yes, the fun snapchat filters, faux sun flairs and the dusty overlays just like the ones shown in my picture… but also, the filters we place on our lives. Let me explain. These past few months, I’ve been feeling pretty uninspired and unmotivated. I would have to say that this has been my darkest season I’ve ever endured. If I may be honest, there was a point within this past year (I won’t say when) that I was depressed. I remember asking God questions like, “God? You there? Why can’t I just go to heaven right now and be with you? I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m done.” I remember sitting outside at 2 AM one night, looking at the sky. There was a light show that night and the sky hosted a dance party with both lightning and thunder. The rain had stopped but the clouds lingered, leaving just enough room for the light to peak through every 10-15 seconds. T’was pretty lit (*ba dum tssst* haha!) and absolutely amazing to experience! I remember thinking to myself, “God? You’re so amazing. Can I just come up there with you already?” I said/thought a lot of other horrible things but we don’t need to know all of that. The reasons for my depression will remain unspoken for right now too. Haha! No one knew about this only because I didn’t allow for people to know. I didn’t want them to look at me as weak. No one would have even guessed due to the filters I placed on my life. I saw this quote that said, “Sometimes, the prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears. And the kindest hearts have felt the most pain.” I went on knowing that I needed to be strong despite feeling weak simply for the people around me. I’m not trying to be dramatic or trying to make you feel sorry for me or anything… please don’t think I’m that kind of person! I started the blog as an outlet; for me to release my creative wiggles and express myself in every way that makes my soul dance and heart sing, just like the sky that night – through art, photography, writing, and sharing about my faith. I thought that would be enough to get me back on my feet, forget about the negative around me and live happy again. To a certain extent it did, but of course, it wasn’t enough.
Like I mentioned earlier, we have became so familiar with the art of filters. People show and share their highlights of their lives on social media, but very rarely do we see any real struggles people go through. I remember seeing posts on instagram about people my age jet-skiiing in Bora Bora, riding elephants in Thailand, walking down the streets of Denmark, or staying at the Kakslauttanen Arctic Resort in Finnland. If you know me, then you’d know that that is my biggest dream – traveling and experiencing all the world has to offer. I would compare my life to their extravagant travels and would covet what those people did. Even with other simpler things such as someone at the beach enjoying their Spring break and I’m stuck at work on my 30 minute lunch. Or the girl in the small bikini that has abs, long beautiful hair, and beautiful skin and I… well… don’t. I’m guilty of all this! I would share my good times and fun moments through the pictures I posted or the videos I shared and I made sure to never talk about the argument I had with a family member that same day or the horrible day I had at work. I would sit there on my phone scrolling through Instagram liking pictures, commenting positive things on posts, and writing inspirational captions on all of mine, but at the same time, feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t look like her, my life didn’t look like theirs or I didn’t have what that person had. But no one would have known that that was what I was going through cause of the filters I placed on my own life. I made people believe that I was ok and that I lived this happy life. That this good, godly, christian girl had everything under control. But the complete opposite was true.
Life is full of highs and lows and rather than emphasizing one over the other, we must accept both for what they are. We are all human and life is full of imperfections so then why do we compare our lives to others? Just because someone’s life seems all dandy doesn’t mean it’s perfect, and it surely doesn’t mean it’s better than mine or yours. I think revealing the negative is just as important as sharing the positive because people can relate to the negatives. But please don’t be a Negative Nancy. Ain’t no body got time for that, boo boo! Be a Polly Positive that’s not afraid of sharing the negative. Take the filters off your life. Vulnerability is terrifying, yet so rewarding. Don’t be afraid to share your hard times with people. Don’t be afraid to be honest with your season. The sooner you can talk it out with someone, the sooner you’ll get past it. And that is why I’m writing this post today! I am on the victory side of my depressing season! I was able to spill my heart out and talk about everything with my mom, and in return, letting every negative thought go. HALLELUJAH! I put everything that I couldn’t control in the hands of He who is in control. Of course, those negative thoughts creep back in every once in a while, but I do my best to choose every day to let it go as easily as they came back in. It is so important to have a good support system; a group of people who you can go to in your “Negative Nancy” moments. If you don’t have that, it’s okay! Let this blog forum be a place where you can find that support!! We got you, love bug!
I’ve learned a couple things in this season, all with a common theme: Stay positive and hold onto Hope. This, too, shall pass. I learned that rather than being angry or sad about my life or season, I need to make the most of it and find the positive things. Here are a few things I’ve learned:
- Find beauty beyond the struggle.
- Take what you can’t control and put it back in the hands of God.
- Acknowledge and be grateful for the people that feel like sunshine in your life.
- Learn to radiate in the darkest room, even when things try to cover your light.
- Create a life you wished existed.
That last one is very important to me. Too long I’ve been unhappy. Too long I’ve been dissatisfied with my circumstance. If you don’t like something, you have the power to change it. Don’t get me wrong, I do live a good life, but I want to live a great life. Create a life you wish existed. Create a life you dream of. Create a life you love! If you are living the life you love, then honey, THAT IS AMAZING! I’m so happy for you and I pray God continues to bless your life. For me, I’ve been exposed to an opportunity to create my dream life. Life isn’t what you’re given, it is what you create, what you overcome, and what you achieve that makes it so beautiful. I want a life that I don’t need a vacation from. I want a life that outlives my life! I want a life full of adventure and I want a life that impacts other lives. I know I needed to go through what I went through so that I can get to where I’m at now. I don’t regret anything at all because I know that that season was a season to build my faith, character, passions and convictions so that I can handle all that God has planned for me in the future.
If you had a dark season and you’re now on the victory side, let me know in the comments below!! I would love to praise God with you! If you’re currently in a dark season, then hold on to Hope, dearest! It’s going to get better, I promise you that! But let me know how I can support you in prayer!
Thanks for reading! Until next time, love bug!!
PS – Just wanted to shoutout my big brother, Mycah, for taking these amazing pictures for me! Giscelle took that one pic, but Mycah took the rest. We were cruising around Ala Moana mall the other day and I saw this area and loved how the light hit the tables and took advantage of this picture perfect opportunity! He took these pictures with my iPhone X and it looks pretty darn good if you ask me! What do you think? Thanks Mycah!
= O U T F I T D E T A I L S =
Faux Black Leather Jacket – $10 from H&M
Rose Gold Watch – $12 from Target
Dusty Rose Scarf – $6(ish) from Ross
Jeans – $?? from Tjmaxx forever ago! haha
Black Backpack – $20(??) from Walmart
White Shoes – $5 from Walmart